Sunday, August 27, 2017

Rainy Sunday

It's Sunday and it's raining outside and listening to Kodaline, Moving On just make it all on point. 

Had a conversation with a good friend just now, we talked about what we wanted in life, what we wanted to find in a partner and yeah, I guess, we're both at the age when we need to think about that. She knew me since I first arrived in Sydney, still can't forget those days when we both would be so stoked (this is an exaggeration, haha but yeah, you get what I mean) if we get to spend time at the beaches, watching both sunset and sunrise, yeah, we're both suckers for that. 

Flowers, ey? Reminded of my first birthday when those girls bought me flowers <3
Being able to sit down with her and sharing stories, it made me feel good. When I don't have to think much and she just gets me. I'm glad, no I'm thankful. When I don't have to explain much and she never question my decisions to provoke me, I like that. Haha I'm being so mushy now, it's all the rain fault HAHAHAHA. 

But anyway, oh this song is kinda cool, The One by Kodaline. Gahhhh, what an expectation…. Coming back to my anyway, I was thinking about this just now. How we all have our own pace of doing things and in growing up. 

I had a chance to sit down with a new girl two days ago, she was a bit clueless with what's going on and quite unprepared. Since her situation was kind of similar to mine when I first came here so I cannot accept why she has so many excuses in coping. I was a bit frustrated when I was trying hard to think of a solution for her so that she won't have a hard time here. I stopped talking and thinking about it for a night and today I saw her WhatsApp photo, she changed it to a picture showing her face. One advice I gave her two days ago, which I thought she wouldn’t listen. Because you know, some people need to see your face so that they can recognize you, let say you bumped into each other. So that's why I thought; 

She needs time and guidance, but she needs to learn things at her own pace. 

That's a conclusion I came to this evening about this girl. Well, that's what I've been telling myself too. 

Read a friend's blog the other day, she mentioned about giving yourself an advice, a good one. I like the way she puts it. Sometimes, we do need to be a friend to ourselves. I reflected on that post and see it to myself, and yes, sometimes, I've been a little bit too hard on myself. When things are out of place, I "volunteered" to take charge and let the people around me to sort of rely on me. So, it's like I've been lenient to people around me by doing things for them and not really allowing them to do things for me. 

To let people be in charge and trust them. 

I am going to have to learn this, on my own pace though. Slowly, I have to let people help me, so that they can grow and I can grow as well. But come to think of it, I did let people help me haha, I let them cooked for me when I'm tired. That's a good start I guess? haha 

^ This is really not a good paragraph but I have not enough break time to rewrite so let it be for now, I'll come back again and try to make it clearer, I hope so haha. 

Anyway, I end this post with Everything Works Out in The End by Kodaline. 

Friday, August 18, 2017


Oh hello. It's Friday night and I'm having a headache and can't sleep, so this is technically an attempt to distract myself. So, bear with it haha 

I started sending postcards to family and friends when Elia introduced it to me. It took around 2-3 weeks to send a postcard from Australia to Malaysia though, had to estimate and do a lot of praying that the postcards would arrive the destination safely. Before this, I didn’t like the idea of having people reading what I wrote to someone because it's not like sealed or anything. It's all written on the piece of card and anybody who happened to get hold to the card can read it. 

All the postcards from Elia in these 3 years 
But then, after receiving the postcards from Elia, a couple of times, unexpected, it made me feel better so I thought, I should keep this going on for others as well. Oh and especially after listening to James Blunt song, Postcards 

I'm sending postcards from my heart 

With love for a postmark and then 
You know that you make me feel like we've been caught 
Like kids in the school yard again 
And I can't keep it to myself 
Can't spell it any better 
L.O.V.E forever 
I hope you know that I'm sending a postcard 
I don't care who sees what I sent 
Or if the whole world knows what's in my head 

Okay, but really. What to worry right? What privacy? It's all honesty and all the words written are from the heart, mostly when I was not thinking too much about it. So I start sending some postcards, back to Elia and others. But here's the thing, I send these postcards to everyone I can,  without selecting to whom, mostly just out of the blue, sometimes to close friends but never to strangers, yet. with an intention to make their day, as much as I tried to be unselective and random, I actually did select my receivers. And sending these, I was not expecting any replies. Never did. I did expect some acknowledgment though, like when the person receiving them tell me that they've received the postcards. Then I know that the message sent :) 

Oh and whenever friends went for a vacation, I'll ask for postcards from the places they visited. Like last time when a few of friends went to New Zealand, they sent me postcards. Few words from them enough to make me feel good receiving it, thinking that they actually thought of me when they're there witnessing the beauty the places got to offer. 

Postcards from NZ and Queensland
I also think that, postcards have this sort of magic, that it will reach the receiver at the right moment, giving a sense of pleasure and content. And sometimes, it reached at the right moment. Like this one time, I asked a friend to send a postcard from Edinburgh. Well, I waited for the postcards for almost 3 months and we both decided that they (yes they, there were three of them haha) were lost. Both of us were sort of frustrated with it, but then we just have to move on with life. Anyway, fast-forward a couple of weeks later, I had an official email from my advisor that the only degree I am getting is just a pass degree, regardless of my final marks and that just torn my heart. I felt so devastated, felt so sad and frustrated so I decided to go for a walk. Just before I left home, I checked the mailbox and there it was, a postcard from Edinburgh, that went to the Philippines first and took almost 3 months to reach me. My friend did not write much but the words soothed my troubling heart and just made me feel a whole lot better. I just had to be thankful it took 3 months, I am so glad. 

the ones on the left are from Malaysia, funnily both dated 7/10 from the same person 
No, not all postcards sent have been received though. Had a couple sent to the same person and the person failed to receive it. I have no idea what happened though, no luck for her to get a postcard from me I guess. I even remember sending a postcard to a friend even though we're studying at the same university! It's all because it is a request and why not, anything to make your friend feel better right? :) I send Udan a couple and I don’t think he can relate to it yet haha, hopefully, he'll appreciate them when he's older though. 

So yeah, I really hope I can keep doing this, especially when I have these personalized postcards from Sydney - one piece in the whole world guys, designed by me of course! Let me know your address if you want one from me! :D

First edition of #postcardsbysabmeera hihi
 Anyways, prolly enough of a blog update, not much of an update but who cares, who even reads my blog nowadays right? Bye guys! Write more later, have a good weekend! :D

Monday, August 7, 2017

Recurring lesson or reminder? Yes or no?

Recurring images of Sydney Harbour Bridge
Sometimes, we are stubborn people that needed to be reminded more than a couple of times on the same particular thing. Well, I think I am that kinda people, that’s why I am always being placed in the same-almost-similar kinda situation. Over and over again. I thought I've learned my lesson but oh man I didn’t. 

Like right now, I am in the middle of reading journals for my final year project yet here I am, updating my blog. Getting distracted even though I know pretty well that I am so going to regret this decision but still, I write haha. Stubborn or in other words, egoistic-self-prove-that-thinks-her-world-is-different-than-others-so-things-gonna-change-just-for-her hahahaha *apa benda aku mengarut ni* 

Anyways, I was saying that sometimes, things happened repeatedly because we have not yet learned the lesson from the incident. The typical-cliché example would be falling in love and failing in love. It is not in our desire to fail in love, in a relationship but the same thing happen again and again, yet we're still doing the same thing again and again so how? What lesson are we not learning? Nope, I'm not here to give you relationship advice(s) because I am terrible at it haha so yeah, go find them somewhere else 'cause I am sure there are tons of people who are generous in giving those kinda advice!

There are times when we claimed that we learned our lessons but oh man, come on, it's hard to change a habit. Though I am not really sure which one is tougher, developing a new habit or killing an old habit? Regardless, that's why I think we needed the recurring reminder. We tend to forget things when we are busy in our daily activities, whether it be studying or working, we always forget the things we wanted to change. Sometimes, we even had too many on our lists and by the end of the year, somehow, nothing was accomplished. Why? Because we are living this life in auto-pilot mode and we tend to forget things. This is possible to happen to us for a long time if we keep dismissing the recurring reminders that came in so many forms and ways. 

Don't get me wrong, but this post is a recurring post for me. To remind me that there are lessons in this life that I haven't learn and taken deep inside myself. As I was reading Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom, I was reminded of the importance to revalue some of the things in my life. For example, fame is not important, it would suck your life if you are so into finding fame, well, at least not everyone is born to be famous, so live a little and take a break. Being famous and annoyingly stingy wouldn’t bring you any closer to people's heart. Yes, the more obvious lesson to me, was to be kinder to others.

I didn’t get quite yet the art of being kind without being misunderstood. Maybe I am still selective and still, have borders when I am kind, maybe that's what I have to change. Maybe I have just to keep being kinder to others and force myself to it that sooner or later it come naturally? But oh boy, it is so hard to remain calm and collected when someone totally refused your help and dismiss your offer immediately. 

Oh oh oh! And on patience! 

Haha, but I guess, this one is exceptional to present itself to me every day, most of the time and probably gonna stick with me for a looooooooooooong time. Just look at my name, hahaha. 

Right, I should get back to reading my journals, at least one or two for tonight. Write again soon!