Thursday, June 30, 2016

Advice - reflexes or not?

I am just going for a quick one here; what do you guys think about advice(s) that people gave out of reflexes and not due to proper thoughts of the matter? 

Since my sentences up there is a bit unclear, let's go through a situational-example : 

You are a female and you are having a little chat with some friends, a few guys and girls. The topic of discussion is solo backpacking. You told them how lucky guys are because they got the chance to go for solo backpacking all they want, not needing to worry too much. Then your guy friend quickly suggested that you just do it, if you want, even though you are a girl. Then you told him that your dad wouldn’t let you do it. Then he quickly added, 'then don't tell your dad before you do it'. Other friends agreed and then he suddenly add (maybe after thinking for a minute), "But if I were to have a daughter, I would never let her go for a solo backpacking trip." And when you asked why did he gave you such suggestion if he wouldn't let his daughter do it; he defended himself by saying that you are his friend and not his daughter. 

What an irony, you gave an advice that if the very same advice were given your daughter, you would not appreciate it, or maybe you actually would. I don’t know. So, really, enlighten me, why do you give advices that you would not take? Or better, why do you give advice in the first place? 

Most of us (including me) forget that when people actually tell you something, you are not obliged to give any reaction or advice or suggestion. You can actually choose to listen to it and say completely nothing. Sometimes, when my friend tell me their concerns and asked for advices, it is going to take some time for me to actually came up with a suggestion, which came only after series of questions to get the clearest picture of the situation. And sometimes, when I can't make sense of the situation, I'll just admit I don't know what to do and hope for the best for that person. 

That's why I am always surprised with some people who can quickly say something to a thing in a split second. For example, when your friend told you that her handwriting is ugly while you are being on the phone with her, don't tell her immediately that it is not true because you can't see her handwriting. There's nothing to support your claim. You might want to make her feel better but maybe you should gave it a few more seconds to actually show that you are putting effort to get her. I don't get why people tell obvious lie to make people feel better? Is it really the only way? 

Other than that, I still don't get how some people can be so fake and what-not; telling all those compliments when they actually don’t mean any of them. You might ask me how I verify this; looking at their behaviour, that is how. You witnessed some people compliments someone and all of the sudden when there's an issue exist between them, those people started to take back what they said. 

I might have not think through this thing but it bugged me. Might as well put it here and who knows you have an insight about this and decided to share them with me. 

Anyway, write again soon! Take care :)

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