Friday, June 17, 2016

Constant dilemma

I should be preparing for my exam which is in two days but I'll have to get this outta my head, so for those asking for my blog, *you know who you are haha* here's my latest thoughts haha. 

To some people close to me, you have known that I always have these habits on deactivating my social sites; Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat etc. Yeah, I'm no longer on Snapchat because of some reasons that at the moment I don't want to talk about it. And tonight, I've decided to ditch out my Instagram account. Maybe not deleting it but I'll abandon the account for now. Been doing it lately actually, not posting a lot of pictures and looking at it, might not posting anything unless I am joining for a competition or something. Haha. I've deleted a few pictures that have me in the photo. Reason for doing that? Well, my account is public so everyone can access them so yeah, I should probably control the amount of pictures of myself online. 

Interestingly, when I decided to delete each picture of myself, I asked myself, why on earth did I put these pictures? With crap so-called 'deep' caption, who am I fooling really? I really have to apologize my followers on Instagram for being so vain and too-much into myself. You might tell me that I might as well delete my account but well I can’t because let's just do it slowly, one at a time alright? Besides, what if I want to go check out some cheap Insta shop? I still need my account right, right? Haha, 

Anyway, here are those things that's been battling inside my head. 
(**The first point might be irrelevant to guys. Might be, HAHAHA**) 

"You are a muslimah (female Muslim), you covered your awrah so people won't look at you so why would you want to expose yourself online?" 
Of late, I've been having this sort of feeling that there are so many *read : REALLY A LOT* of hijabis that are so extremely beautiful. Initially, I get this feeling that there are so many muslimah that wears hijabs, decent attires- skirts, abayas, 'modest' attires and yet they look amazing. They look really fashionable wearing all these 'muslimah-style' making it alright to wear hijab. To be honest, I am slightly envious of these muslimah that can pull the look. Try scrolling the Instagram, you'll find tons of freelance muslimah model. They are pretty and if you look at the number of followers they have, it'll reach thousands. 

Then there is this one day, when a friend of a friend told me about her struggle to keep wearing a niqab. She was having a health problem, so she had to take it off due to doctor's instruction and she don’t want me to assume anything about her wearing on and off of the niqab. I told her that it is fine, as long as she did it for Allah's sake, then everything would be fine. To be honest, was not really paying attention to what I told her, only later then I realised, that's true. One of the reason why you are wearing a niqab is to cover yourself so that you would be modest and to please God. Then why would you have an Instagram account full of pictures of yourself? Would it not then defeat the purpose you are wearing the niqab? 

So as for me, I am wearing a hijab and the purpose of it is to cover myself, why would I want to expose myself unnecessarily online where people can easily access them? To whom I am showing myself really? Should not I be worry about what God thinks of me rather than what other people think of me? Why should I worry about whether these people think I am attractive or not? Look, I am not telling you can't dress nicely, I am just asking for what you are doing that? I think it is safe to say that everyone like pretty things, so we also like ourselves to be pretty but how pretty is pretty? Is it wearing eyeshadow that was combined with four colours or wearing red striking colour lipstick is needed to be considered pretty? I am not saying that I don’t do all these things but I am trying to really get the hang of what really is to cover the awrah. 

I just realised I haven't properly addressed what is meant by aurah. I'll do it next post I hope, I need to really have time to check my sources and it'll take a lot of time and time is not my friend right now, so I am sorry!

"Awrah is parts of the body, for both men and women, which should not be visible to the public." 

I'll explain better next time for as for now, you'll have to hold onto that first.

"I need the account because I like looking at those beautiful sceneries and I like to share some of nice pictures I've taken as well"
This has been on my head a lot because I think I took good photos. Well, there are some people who told me that I got good collection of photos but really, when I think again, who am I kidding? Why would I put those small numbers of photos on Instagram when there are so many people posting better photos? Besides, come to think of it, posting those photos on Instagram does not give me pleasure anymore. It feels kinda empty. Haha 'empty', kidding.

"Does it mean that I am showing-off because I only shows good stuff in there?"
This one right here has been bugging my mind since that conversation with a friend. She told me that she's jealous with the lives of some people she followed on Instagram. They seemed so stress-free, feels like there's no problem in their life and they are completely happy with their life. And these feelings, sometimes makes her feel like she wanted to switch her life with them. I have to admit, sometimes, I acknowledged how lucky are some people to be having a very successful life without any struggle. Alright, to make it easier, this is roughly how the conversation went.

Friend : You know what Sab, sometimes I feel like switching my life with those successful people I saw on Instagram. They are smart, beautiful, confident, knowledgeable and their life seems so perfect. 

Me : Ah really? How do you know? 

Friend : Well, I looked at their photos, they seemed happy. Travelling here and there, got a lot of presents, know a lot of stuffs, very kind and as if they had no problems at all. How is it Sab, is it possible for people not to have problem? Why can’t I have life like them? 

Me : Ah well then, rather than envying them, you should get jealous with me also. I looked happy as well. 

Friend : No, I know your stories. No offence, you are happy but I know your struggles as well. Not really the prefect life. 

Me : So there you go. People put stuffs on Instagram of what they want others to see. Not many people display their struggles online. Then people won’t be jealous of that anymore right? You would obviously post a picture of a fancy dinner with friends than a picture of you staying late night till 2 a.m. with nobody with you. My mum used to tell me, people forget that they are showing-off when they post pictures online.

Well, the conversation is longer but yeah the gist of it is that many of us chose to post things that look nice and good for others to see. And when people compliment or tell you how lucky you are, so feel blessed. Really? Do you need some people to tell you how lucky you are for you to really feel lucky?

As for myself, I've been posting a lot of my photos here in Sydney. Am I like showing-off on how amazing is my life here? What if all those pictures somehow instill a sense of dissatisfaction that people started to want more? What if because they looked at my pretty handbag, they wanted to get the same also even though they don’t need to have one? What if they feel pressured because it seems like everyone is travelling including Sab, that they need to that as well despite that it somehow led them to a unhealthy lifestyle? What if what I've been doing caused people to live like me and people stopped being grateful with what they had and wanted more and more? 

"Remember that in Islam, if we cooked something and our neighbour can smell the food, we have to feed them as well. But nowadays, we cooked something good and shared it online- for what really? What happen to the teaching? "

It slapped me hard on this, really. I've been doing that a lot. *sigh* 

This post is getting lengthy, I'll probably should go back to study. I'm having exams on 18th, 21st, 23rd and 25th June. I would like to humbly request duaa from you guys, really need them for me to ace this exam. I'll update more after my exam, if God wills. Oh by the way, I hope it is still not too late but Ramadhan Kareem! Hopefully we'll get the barakah from this holy month, Ramadhan. We've got less than 20 days to enjoy this amazing gift from God, so make the full use of this month!

I'll write more on this topic later, but in the mean time, feel free to give some feedback on this. Especially those people who've been asking for my missing blog. Korang baca baca gak, aku cakap tak betul tolonglah betulkan. Jangan baca je.

Till then. :D

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