begin again

circa 2014

in the name of Allah

five years ago,
I have made a very big decision
many people told me it was stupid
but many said it was brilliant as well

I hope, no, I pray, it was the best
praises to Allah
until today,
I have not changed my mind
I still managed to keep to my promise
even though is it getting harder
but good things are worth fighting
right?

I have to admit
those five years
I sometimes thought of it
it sometimes came and said hi
it was always hard to say bye
instead of saying hi back
but I have managed
and I hope
I really pray

this is the best
it was the best
and it will still be the best decision

though,
not yet am I ready to begin again
not yet

may Allah bless you
may Allah bless us all

wrote this 3 years ago and the feeling is still there.

this is still valid

Three friends at Katoomba

Here's a story of three companions; Precious, Wealthy and Patience. 

It was a sunny Sunday and the three of them decided to go for a bushwalk in Katoomba. All three of them left their home at 7 something in the morning and meet up at the Central Station around 8 am. To their surprise, there are some track works going on so they have replaced the trains with buses. Funny how Patience was the one who showed the most disapproval of this. However, they still went to the bus stop and waited for the bus. 

In the bus, they were separated; each sitting beside a stranger and none of them actually have a conversation with the other person. The bus crossed the Anzac bridge and move on the highway and it took around one hour to reach Penrith, where they have to take another one-hour trip to reach their destination, by train, this time. 

They sat together on the train and started talking. The conversation keeps going on with everyone telling their kind of story. How different they were when they were young, of how the way they were brought up and so many other things. Three of them started to get to know each other better. 

Then they arrived at Katoomba and they started walking towards Three Sisters Lookout Point. Since they are so many people there, they just walked a little bit there and continue to go to the Great Stairwell, which has 300 steps going down from the top. It was kind of challenging since it is very steep and both Patience and Wealthy felt that as if their knees are shaking when they reached the end of the stairs. 

After sitting for a while they continued walking along the Prince Henry Walk to the Scenic World. 

Oh yes, they ate a banana each to regain their energy after walking down those steep stairs. Then, they continue walking, talking only a little, probably because they are afraid that talking too much would cause them to feel tired faster. Not that they didn’t talk at all, they did talk. About what? Well, go and ask them if you insist on knowing. 

Anyway, the highlight of this story was when they reached the old mine and they have to walk up to go to the Scenic World Centre (but really, they should have taken the Scenic Railway ride) instead, they chose to go up via Furber Steps. Little did they knew, it was a hard track. And Patience, ironically cannot be patience anymore with the pain, Patience had to stop several times. It was fortunate that Wealthy and Precious are very kind and patient to wait for Patience. 

Patience was struggling to climb up with the other two and sometimes when Patience stopped, Patience saw the view as something personal. As Wealthy and Precious are climbing the stairs pretty easily and without any struggle, Patience made a reflection. 

What reflection? 

Patience didn't tell what it was but what Patience did mention is that Patience needs to change. Patience realized that if Patience stays at the current pace, Patience would be left behind and would never be able to reach them again. Patience did a lot of thinking of how blessed each of them is, how they have grown. She has a lot of jobs to do if she wants to keep up with her friends, Patience doesn't want them to slow down because of her. She needs to change and do something, faster.

It all drips away.

Hi there. 

Happy Saturday. I just finished watching The Book of Love; a very interesting movie. Tho, I have to warn you that it is a story about losing someone you love. If you don't feel like feeling sad and emotional, then don't go watch it. Despite that, me being someone who likes to watch 'deep' movie, this one gonna be in my recommended watch list. 

So, the other day, I was thinking about how we often say that we have to appreciate things while we have it but what about things we don't have? Maybe we should not be using the word 'appreciate' but what? There's this thing in ourselves that is called 'needs', 'desire', 'greed' which often requires moderation. And somehow people always tell themselves to be enough with what they HAVE, to be thankful with what they OWN but not many reminded to be alright of NOT HAVING, to be content with WHAT IS NOT THERE. 

Just wondering. 

Okay, let me use an example. If you have to commute, you wanted a car. Despite having all the public transports available, you still want the car. One of your argument was that it'll be easier to go here and there. But let me tell you something, you should be grateful of NOT HAVING a car. Why? You'll never get stuck in traffic jammed. You don’t' have to spend money from time to time to service the car and you get to have people drive you around haha * this one only legit sometimes hahaha* but don’t get me wrong, I am not against buying a car. Just using this as an example because was thinking about this when I was stuck in traffic jammed last night. 

Because sometimes, I think, it is not enough to just be grateful for what WE HAVE. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves of what WE DON’T HAVE and be glad about it. Mum always tells me that she's glad she has not born rich or else she would be needing to answer to God about all her wealth. Sometimes we don't know what would happen if we have more, it could either be good or worse but as far as it is, the present is always good. 

Though it is good to mention, when you got something, usually there's gonna something you'll lose. Oh yeah, I am using 'usually' it does not apply all the time. For example, if you got something deliciously tasty to eat, you'll end up gaining more fat and weight, not losing them haha. But yeah, you have to realise there's a price for everything. There's always something to lose in this life and that is alright. Sometimes, we have to give up things as well, might be it was not good for us. 

So guys and girls, try seeing things from different perspectives. You have to be thankful for what you have and also of what you don’t have or yet to have. Things happened for reasons, which when we managed to figure out what the reasons are, know that it was a blessing from God who gave light to us. May all of us be the among those who are guided to the right path. 

Have a good weekend. 

Take care.

I wonder why it is,

when life turns on you,

you go back to those places in your mind,

those places you knew,

that made you happy,

made you feel safe.

Sometimes it's the spark

of a memory,

like the places we've been,

things we've done before,

or people we knew or loved.

In the end, I think

that's what it's all about,

the people that left

a mark on you.

You want to hold on to 'em.

You want to take 'em with you,

but you can't.

When you're in trouble,

you hold on to anything

that makes you feel right again,

but it's like holding on

to water in your hands.

No matter how hard you squeeze,

it all drips away.

-- Millie, The Book of Love